…assuming you’ve been diagnosed with whatever flavor of depression (chocolate, vanilla, strawberry)

surviving a depressed state requires you to learn how to reframe your own thoughts.
you become an unreliable narrator of your own. you can’t trust your own thoughts.

a common symptom in depression is when you can no longer enjoy your own hobbies.
there are a few ways to reframe this:

• you are no longer capable of feeling any happiness
• you’ve suddenly lost the skill to do something
• you are no longer welcome in a community due to your behavior
• you were only doing that hobby for external validation, or other purposes a lot of this will end up in the “suicide spiral” where you feel better off dead - because you no longer can enjoy the things you used to enjoy

welcome to depression. it kind of feels like that all of the time. forever.

now, since we won’t be discussing how to really go down the “suicide spiral” and find the magic treasure at the end of it here, we’ll talk about something else

(if you’re interested in ending yourself, the thing is that the human body is surprisingly fragile, and you will find it also has protection mechanisms against self-destruction through the means of fear, so it’s very unlikely you’ll get anywhere - but good luck, get professional help, whatever)

i’m writing this while blasting the music box version of a bunch of video game songs, after having seen a bunch of material on social media about DJing

now, DJing is a bit of a passion thing for me - I was inspired by this artist called Moe Shop, after hearing their mixtape on Youtube.

but now, i don’t really have the time to really work on… anything. i can’t even go to work due to mental issues, and have lost my job over this.

so when i see content like this, i’m not sure what to do. i can’t do much except maybe flop around a little bit, and then cry.

it sucks because when you’re in such a low energy state - literally everything is impossible. it’s quite miraculous that i’m still surviving - because i’ve trained myself to be able to cook without much thought.

but it’s pointless to worry when you’re in that state, becuase it’s like wondering why you couldn’t fire another death beam from your pokemon when its PP is depleted - or worse, their HP is depleted

It simply isn’t possible. So I’ve decided to kind of stop worrying about that and hope my energy regenerates enough for me to enjoy music again.

I’m barely practicing on my trumpet, or DJing. I’m also not making good progress on studying for that cert, or revamping my resume. It’s a slow trudge in midst of barely any energy to do anything, ever

I’m sorry for existing, I’m sorry for not being able to answer to the opportunities people give me, and I will not be offended if people decide to rescind their offer to whatever over how little motivation or energy I show. I simply can’t function correctly right now.