the other concern is that - me talking to girls in clubs - doesn’t that turn me into a creep? (Radiohead starts playing in the background)

like talking to girls in hub and whatnot - and showing a little persistence or whatever - can, indeed, be creepy

often on grounds of age or whatever - but I wonder, am I young enough? was I ever young enough, or if we push the argument a bit further, we realize that it’s on grounds of “desirability”

am I desirable enough?

like the fact is that no - I probably am not, as I’m from out of the scene, I know nobody, I don’t have swag and I’m not stacked

I feel like I’m waddling into a high stakes poker table with a handful of quarters

I require enrizzment on this

like how do I play the bullshit game

everyone is bullshitting each other, and I’ve only played the fair game

like hell - this entire city is kind of… not really “below” me, but it definitely isn’t the more literate community I grew up in

(at least till like early elementary, ever since I have always felt rather out of place everywhere)

so yeah, nerd to nerd - how do we survive here (I also understand that for guys, it’s a totally different game, and in the end, the asshole who looks like an asshole gets his fucking way, or at least tries and then is splattered on the side of the street)

like receding to the internet for 15 years or so and barely having nothing outside of it - maybe the occasional hangout, but mostly terminally online - has made me scared of things I wonder if I should even be concerned of

twitter makes it seem like I get a death sentence for talking to girls without looking like g-dragon with 12 pack abs or some crazy bs

or like that people like me - fat, somewhat ugly? - get their human rights taken away just for existing near, or looking at girls

I’m glad the rizz gang is cool with me, but every time I kind of exit my comfort zone to talk to someone, and get looked at like a weirdo for even trying - I hear those footsteps come back, people slowly surrounding me

tuff thoughts 😭😭😭